I've been recovering/recuperating/rehabilitating at home since having a hip operation late in November. Prior to the operation I'd been troubled about why I couldn't shift my focus away from the pain in my hip and thereby heal myself - I believe that you get what you think about. A friend asked me to think about how I might benefit from having the operation and trust instead that it was serving a purpose for ME right now. My judgement on that it was about creating space. Space to think. I've become a middle aged man, in broadly the same role in the same industry for many years and have become increasingly bored/dissatisfied with that job in recent times. I've toyed with the idea of working for myself but haven't been committed enough to make it happen, or perhaps have been too frightened of losing the security this role gives me for my family. I'm well paid ...but I know that the thought of doing the same thing for the next 15 or so years and achieving none of my dreams really frightens me. What if I never ........

So I decided that the time off work would be a period of reflection, during which I could decide what I really want in the future. The first few weeks following the operation were tough. I either felt too much pain or too physically tired to seriously think. I hope that's not an excuse. I really didn't feel up to doing anything and it's noticeable to me that more recently I do feel much more active/energetic and up for a challenge - but maybe I'm kidding myself.

I haven't really had an epiphany though. Nothing has washed into my mind and excited me. But I have noticed other things ......

I've noticed how I've come to love walking to collect my young daughter from school (I'm now actively encouraged to exercise) and love wandering home and taking about what we see. I've noticed how I love stopping at the side of the road and waiting for her to look both ways and tell me it's OK to cross before we do. I've noticed I love being home when my older son comes home from school and having deeper conversations about the things that are important to him. I've noticed that I enjoy helping my wife with jobs around the house and having conversations that go deeper than the norm. I've noticed enjoying going in the garden with the kids and building a snowman or throwing snowballs at each other. For comfort I slept in a separate bed for some time after the operation and after that I've noticed how I love sleeping close to someone else. I've noticed that I love being in control of my day rather than allowing others to dictate it for me. I've noticed that slowing down and not needing to rush has created time for me to notice much, much more about the world around me. I've noticed how much I enjoy that. And I've noticed a growing sense of dread that I'll soon be going back to work.

I wonder if I can go back to work and use my enhanced sense of awareness to enjoy my job more. But I have a sense that at work I'd lost touch with who I really am and that the reason I've enjoyed this time at home so much (since the pain subsided at least) is that I've found him again. So the key thing for me now is how do I hold on to who I am and build what I do for a living around that rather than slipping backwards into being the someone else I'd become?

What does choose extraordinary mean?

What does Choose Extraordinary Mean?

Choose (chooz):
To select from a number of possible alternatives; decide on and pick out.

Extraordinary (ek-stra-ordin-er-e):
Going beyond what is usual, regular, or customary, exceptional to a very marked extent.

So, to choose to be extraordinary means to consciously decide to go beyond the norm, to be exceptional. Being exceptional means to be well above average and by definition it’s therefore uncommon.

So why should anyone want to choose to be extraordinary?

Because ordinary for most people means something less than they’d ideally like. It’s certainly less than perfect - we tend to talk about the things we’d ideally like as ‘dreams’ or ambitions. Does anyone dream about being average? Ordinary isn’t aspirational in any way. It’s just OK. It has flaws and weaknesses.

The problem is that most people accept ordinary. As children we start with dreams, great plans of what we’re going to do and an energy and enthusiasm that’s exciting …..but over time most of us are re-programmed and conditioned to expect and accept less.

It starts with parents who, with the best of intentions, want to protect their children from disappointment so suggest to them that they lower their sights and aim for something that’s more ‘achievable’. Then as they progress through the education system children are taught to conform – to a stereotype that’s become deeply embedded in our modern culture. It suggests that they should work hard during their education and then get a good job, borrow to finance home purchase, car, belongings etc and then work hard to support their debt until retirement. It’s been made even worse in recent years because the majority of students now leave full time education already saddled with debt and as a result they’re under pressure to find a job quickly to start to pay it off. We’ve developed a culture which accepts, nay encourages debt and I fear that it will have serious consequences for future generations, who will increasingly accept this as the norm.

I believe that our pursuit of more consumer goods and the latest gadgets, at the expense of everything else, is a diversion away from the things that are actually important in our lives. In an increasingly complex world, we find it difficult to maintain focus on the things that are really important to us.

And we shouldn’t be surprised at the angst and unhappiness this causes in the world. In the richest countries, despite the fact that the average persons standard of living is higher than ever before, there are signs of deep dissatisfaction. In the UK, suicides are at record levels and rising, drug problems are spiralling with more addicts and drug related crime, prisons are full, more and more people suffer ‘depression’ and related health problems. Probably most topical of all, binge drinking seems to have become an epidemic. Is this a reflection of many people’s need to ‘escape’? Others find a different diversion and get a temporary high by buying the latest fashion, that little something that they really want! Usually it’s a temporary high though and they return to their previous position – struggling to find purpose – and often more in debt than before.

What if this link was broken? If children grew up free from pressure to follow convention and fit in with society? If we encouraged them instead to dream, freed them of pressure from society and gave them the confidence to pursue their aspirations? If their satisfaction came from having a purpose, rather than the things they own?

If we helped them to decide what they really wanted and helped them to pursue it.

Would they become extraordinary?

I think so.